Johannesburg - Dating a superstar has its pros and cons.
Just ask Vanessa LeMaistre, who dated rap superstar Lil Wayne for several years before they went their separate ways.
LeMaistre says one of the cons of dating a superstar is that it made her dating life complicated, with many men feeling intimidated.
“Men are already intimidated with all that I come with,” LeMaistre told the Saturday Star.
“Add that to the mix, they get very insecure. I’ve seen it all, from an ex ripping up a card he found from Wayne to an ex boasting to me how he’s better than him, but simultaneously reeked with insecurity.”
LeMaistre, who is based in Los Angeles, has just released her book, ‘Believe in your Soul’, in which she discusses her relationship with Wayne.
The public speaker, activist and author dated the rapper back in 2009, when she bumped into him at the Hit Factory Criteria recording studio in Miami.
“I first met Wayne while working at the front desk at The Hit Factory Criteria recording studio in Miami after obtaining my undergrad degree in 2009. I was at the epitome of being a free-spirited, young, well-travelled and curious soul. It was such a great experience. I was working with so many talented artists at that studio, like Damian Marley, DJ Khaled and Shakira, just to name a few.
“My first encounter with Wayne was like any man flirting with a woman. I remember it to this day. He walked by, smirked at me, and was like ‘hi’. At first I didn’t think much of it. But he definitely had good energy and it was a vibe, I’ll say.
“He was in his prime … I wouldn’t say it was one of my dreams coming true, but it was a beautiful experience. He used to have to remind me that he was a superstar, because I was so used to just seeing the soul – seeing him for him.
“He could tell I just saw him as a regular person. We definitely had fairytale moments and I am grateful for them.”
LeMaistre says she never saw him as a super celebrity.
“To me, it was regular for the most part. In my past jobs I had already become accustomed to working around a lot of celebrities. I interned at MTV Networks while getting my undergrad degree, then worked at The Hit Factory Criteria recording studio, and later at the FontaineBleau. My whole life I had never been starstruck because I just always viewed celebrities as regular people.”
LeMaistre says the desire to date a famous person is glamourised and not all it’s cracked up to be.
“The more fame, the more late nights, being on the road, the more options they have, like a toy store being thrown at them. People with fame (not all) get so used to having everything they want, it can be easy to view a person they are dating as another item they purchased.
“We often put famous people on a pedestal, but it’s important that we as women remember to put ourselves on the pedestal; to remember that we are the prize. Regardless of someone’s status.”
But dating a mega-famous star also came with plenty of challenges.
“I dealt with crazy amounts of envy, which taught me very tough lessons around trust. People close to me would scream and think they were going to be famous.
“I was getting catfished by close ex-friends on social media. People tried to steal my identity, others tried to destroy me. I lost myself a bit. I felt like I needed to prove myself to amount to something.”
She says she also learnt plenty about herself while dating the rap star.
“I learned that I needed a lot of growth. At the time I was struggling with low self-esteem. But he definitely saw the potential in me, like he used to tell me you should have your own TV show. He could read me really well. It always felt like he understood me.
“He taught me that I needed to love myself and that I was worthy of being loved. Our relationship taught me that I deserved respect. It taught me that I was rare. We come into some people’s lives for a reason – a soul contract. Our souls sign up for before birth, and some for a more powerful reason than others.
“It was then that I went off and embarked on a self-love journey that’s been about 12 years long now.”
She says the rapper helped her believe in herself and that he helped shape her into the person she is becoming.
“Growing up, I used to be made fun of because I was always very deep. They would say I can’t be deep because I am too attractive. I learned to accept this side of me. It helped me on my journey to know my authentic self.”
She says she enjoyed some special moments with the rapper, whose real name in Dwayne Michael Carter jr.
“I felt seen, like he just understood me. It was a soul connection. He was a good person ... very intuitive, creative, deep. Some of the best moments were impactful things he said to me, such as ‘just feel’, which allowed me to relax and feel more and not be so in my head.”
Looking back, LeMaistre says she wouldn’t change a thing about her time with the rapper.
“Dating him has impacted my life for the better. I wouldn’t be who I am today had I not gone through my unique journey. I wouldn’t have embarked on my self-love journey and built my confidence the way I did if it weren’t for my experiences with him.”
She admits, however, that if she were to do it all over again, she would have demanded more from the rapper.
“I wouldn’t have tolerated sharing myself with someone who had different women every night. I don’t tolerate that now. I would also change how much I loved myself, learned to not care about what others thought, learned to protect myself from people who wanted to tear down my light because my light does illuminate the shadows and demons in others.”
But LeMaistre says she would definitely date another famous person.
“My preference is about whether the person meets my standards. Are they high quality and do they value my worth? Are they ambitious, smart, respectful, loyal and honest? Not only do they meet all the marks, but is this true love? I don’t want to settle. I want the crème de la crème.The best. Period.”
LeMaistre has also opened up about her current love life.
“I feel like I’ve only gotten more and more picky over the years, because I’ve gotten to know and accept myself. I have kissed a few frogs, now I will wait until my prince finds me.
“These days it can be hard to find someone different. Many men, whether they have success or not, are just showing up the same and it’s like, please show me something different and of high quality. I usually let my intuition guide me about people, which can be a double-edged sword. I can read between the lines with people, and I can sense their shortcomings before they reveal it.”
LeMaistre says she and Lil Wayne don’t speak any longer.
“The relationship we had impacted me to such a great level that I sprung into learning how to love myself. After he wrote the song ‘How to Love’, I knew that my inner child needed immense healing and love. He called out the truth, that I had never given myself credit. And it was true. This is something I had to learn from scratch as an adult.
“Our society doesn’t teach us enough that we ought to love ourselves, love our flaws, to love everything that makes us unique.”