Why are women always pitted against other women?

The power of remarkable female friendships that value and motivate each other is undeniable. Picture:Pexels/ Polina Tankilevitch

The power of remarkable female friendships that value and motivate each other is undeniable. Picture:Pexels/ Polina Tankilevitch

Published Aug 22, 2023

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August is a special month in South Africa as we celebrate Women's Month, a time to honour the incredible achievements of women and explore ways to support each other further.

While traditional celebrations revolve around baby showers and bridal showers, times have changed. We now come together to celebrate work promotions, new businesses, graduations, moving to new homes and personal milestones.

Research published in the Harvard Business Review reveals a fascinating connection between successful female leaders and their supportive female friendships.

Women who surround themselves with accomplished friends are more likely to land executive positions and earn higher salaries.

Experts in science and mental health consistently stress the impact of our environment, lifestyle, and other factors on our well-being. It's time to challenge the notion that women are defined by their relationships with men. We're in 2023, for goodness sake!

Toxic femininity restricts women, forcing them to conform to gender norms to gain conditional value in patriarchal societies.

It limits their ability to be cooperative, assertive, sexually autonomous and derive value from more than just physical beauty.

But it doesn't stop there. Close female friendships also have a profound impact on our personal lives, promoting better mental and physical well-being, influencing our stress response, and even helping us live longer.

The power of remarkable female friendships that value and motivate each other is undeniable.

This Women's Month, let's continue to extend encouragement within our inner circles and to all women. It's time to break the cycle of women pitted against each other, an issue discussed by Natalia Salias in her thought-provoking piece on LUZ, a digital hub for Latinas by Latinas.

Salias argues that this harmful dynamic is perpetuated by a toxic machismo culture that refuses to let go. This mindset views women as objects to be controlled and dominated, rather than equal partners and colleagues.

It not only reinforces gender stereotypes but also hinders progress in every sphere.

Research published in the Harvard Business Review reveals a fascinating connection between successful female leaders and their supportive female friendships. Picture:Pexels/Sierra Koder

Machismo, a social construct promoting exaggerated masculinity, and Marianismo, a twisted perception of femininity, create a cut-throat environment where women struggle to work together and support each other.

Women constantly battle to prove themselves and if they exhibit traits typically associated with masculinity, such as confidence and assertiveness, they are immediately labelled as threats.

This false belief that successful women are always in competition with each other hinders their ability to pursue shared goals.

Here are five ways we can do that:

Mentor other women

Once you have found yourself in a busy and thriving career, it's often easy to forget how your career began. One way in which you can uplift another woman is by paying the knowledge and advice you have received forward.

This can be as small as helping a young woman with her CV and interview skills, or as big as seeking out a junior employee and taking them under your wing for a few months.

Grow a thriving network

Having a network of successful friends can not only potentially open doors for you but also inspire you in times when you may need it in your career.

Consider connecting a select group of thriving friends, who might not know each other well, for a casual girls’ lunch where each of you can share ideas and anecdotes. Inspire your friends to wear something that makes them feel like the best version of themselves and gather your girl gang for cocktails

Cheer your friends on

We all know the feeling of achieving something we've worked so hard for.

In the opinion of Executive Chef Genghis San at Radisson RED Johannesburg Rosebank, there is nothing more rewarding than having loved ones hype us up and that feeling is only made sweeter by toasting over great friends and great food.

Empower each other to shine

A unique way that you could empower other women is by trying out the Shine Theory. The Shine Theory was first put forth by author Aminatou Sow and journalist Ann Friedman in 2013, and it advocates for women to support and uplift one another because competition or unfavourable comparison won't make you or them shine.

Befriend a woman when you come across one who is stunningly attractive, stylish, intelligent and professionally successful.

It does not make you look worse if you are surrounded by the best individuals. Friedman explains that it improves you.

Create a resource community

Not every woman has the time to stay on the pulse of career advice, job openings and work opportunities, inspiration and motivational tools.

You could help facilitate the development of your peers and friends by starting a group chat where it’s encouraged to share solid resources like articles, podcasts and event links to your community of women.

Your group chat could follow a particular theme like only being for women working in specific industries or it could be a group chat for women of a particular age demographic who are undergoing similar challenges and benchmarks.